Sleep with One Eye Open
Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff Turns on San Francisco
Metallica’s first Salesforce performance, August 31, 2011, photo by Jeff Yeager
Twelve days ago, Salesforce tech CEO Marc Benioff made international headlines by suggesting that the National Guard be sent into his hometown of San Francisco. A city where crime is, according to SFPD, down 26% in virtually all categories. This couldn’t be possible. Benioff seemed to be a generous progressive Bay Area billionaire, donating to many charities, funding children’s hospitals (albeit with his name on them), and urging that other CEOs follow his philanthropic lead. His conferences featured reliably lefty speakers like Barack Obama, Jane Fonda, Melinda Gates, Bill & Hilary, and Alec Baldwin. But right there it was, on the record, in a scalding and excellent story by Heather Knight of The New York Times: “I fully support the president…I think he’s doing a great job.”
The famously liberal city was outraged. Salesforce Foundation board chairman Ron Conway resigned his position. The mayor and governor suddenly had no comment. Comedians Kumail Nanjiani and Ilana Glazer withdrew as headliners from the Dreamforce conference, replaced by the harmless and quickly available David Spade. Vitriol was so intense, Benioff quickly waffled and walked back his comments on Twitter: “Having listened closely to my fellow San Franciscans and our local officials, and after the largest and safest Dreamforce in our history, I do not believe the National Guard is needed to address safety in San Francisco.”
It was too late. The concept was now officially put out there. This past weekend, Trump told a Fox news anchor that San Francisco is “next” for an incursion of National Guard troops. So now SF joins a list of other cities—Los Angeles, DC, Portland, Chicago, Memphis—targeted for federal militia deployment.
Benioff’s sudden cheerleading for Trump and the National Guard certainly seems bizarre, in a way almost a betrayal, considering his family’s long history with the city. It would be akin to the late billionaire Warren Hellman, underwriter of the long-running Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival, suddenly coming back from the dead and investing his money in A.I.-powered robotic dogs that patrolled the city, and of course some of the phony mutts would go haywire and start attacking random humans, licking traffic lights, and chasing driverless Waymo vehicles down the street, and now we have a dystopian John Carpenter scenario on our hands, and citizens would face off in heated street battles with the fake dogs, and that footage would be blasted all over Fox News, and the president would point at it and say, “You see? Total carnage. It’s on television so you know it’s real.”
So in honor of Marc Benioff squandering his goodwill with San Francisco, here’s a snapshot of him from a long-ago Dreamforce. This account is based on reports from eyewitnesses, i.e. myself. Thanks for reading.
It’s August 31, 2011, at the Dreamforce conference in San Francisco. An enormous underground stage has been erected in the bowels of Moscone Center. The legendary heavy-metal band Metallica is about to perform. It seems an odd choice. Are there that many headbangers employed at Salesforce? According to advance press, Benioff is a neighbor of Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett. That’s basically why.
The crowd gathers, an athleisured display of tech workers in sporty chinos and conference nametags. But another group barges into the venue, weed-reeking metal-heads in dirty jean vests and Metallica t-shirts, shoving and elbowing their way to the front of the stage. The nerds step aside. They’ve been avoiding these people their entire lives. Advance materials include the reason—Metallica would be giving away hundreds of free tickets to members of their fan club. And here they are. Oblivious to the excitement of Dreamforce, “the cloud computing event of the year,” these heshers are here only to rock out to their favorite band.
According to Metallica’s official audio recording of this performance, Marc Benioff introduced the band to the stage. But it was truncated and did not include his welcome to the crowd. A fan video edited out Benioff’s remarks entirely. I was there. Here’s what happened.
“Salesforce Chairman and CEO Marc Benioff—donning a Metallica t-shirt—appeared to come straight from the heavy metal parking lot to introduce Metallica to a packed house at Dreamforce 2011.”
The stage is ablaze in lights. Is it the band? What’s happening? A tall schlumpy bearded figure strolls out with his arms spread wide. We are supposed to know this is Marc Benioff, Salesforce CEO and king of cloud computing. He usually wears a suit. But at this moment he looks like an entitled bratty teenager who tries too hard and spent too much money at Hot Topic: black cloth jacket, blue jeans, Metallica t-shirt, and a fashionable cap that also says the name of the band. His white sneakers are crisp and new. He grabs his oversized belt buckle, also with the Metallica logo, and thrusts out his hips and presents it to his presumably adoring mob of employees.
His face smirks with the confidence of someone who thinks he’s absolutely killing it, an expression that will be later known as “punchable.” There is some cheering from the crowd, others are puzzled. The metal-heads are pissed. Who is this clown? Where’s the fuckin’ band, man?
Benioff saves the big reveal for the end. He dramatically spins around, spreads his jacket, and flashes its back design, a custom studded Metallica logo, to the audience, a maneuver that will surely blow everyone’s mind. Oh my god, it’s the CEO, that’s so fun, he’s even hipper than I thought! Instead, it resonates as desperate, cloying, tone-deaf, and just sad.
Behind me, I hear a Salesforce employee snort in disgust, and mutter: “What an ASSHOLE…”
In retrospect, I would take this cos-playing weirdo any day over the guy who betrays his own hometown and thinks it should be occupied by federal troops.
“punchable” made me spit my morning tea. 👍
Great epithet for future use: "the harmless and quickly available David Spade."